Edmund Absolved
by snowstargirl
Summary: Edmund receives forgiveness from Aslan and his siblings. LWW, no pairings.
1. In the Lion's Den

**Title: Edmund Absolved**

_Summary:_ Edmund receives forgiveness from Aslan and his siblings.

_Rating:_ K

_Pairings:_ None

_Disclaimer:_ None of the characters from _The Chronicles of Narnia_ belong to me. They belonged to C.S. Lewis when he wrote them, but now perhaps they belong to Douglas Gresham, Walden Media, Disney, Fox, and possibly several others as well. I'm not making any money by writing this story. I borrowed some of the quotes from the Disney/Walden Media movie, though I don't think I took any from the book.

_Author's Notes: _This story takes place during _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_. It depicts Edmund's feelings when he realizes that he has been forgiven by Aslan and each of his siblings_. _There is a scene of forgiveness in the book which I like very much, but it's a bit different from the one in the Disney/Walden Media movie, on which this story is based.

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Chapter One: In the Lion's Den

Edmund stood looking into the piercing eyes of the Great Lion for what might have been hours. Perhaps it had only taken minutes, or perhaps all of time, but he did not think he would ever want to leave Him. Neither of them had said anything aloud (at least, Edmund did not think they had), but Aslan could see down to the very bottom of his soul.

This had frightened Edmund at first, and then startled him, and then given him the deepest sort of peace he had ever known. He had apologized over and over in the beginning, when he had first been taken to Aslan; he had recognized Him at once (he knew not how), and had fallen at His feet and cried mercy for an hour, refusing to look up into His eyes until he felt a velvet paw atop his shoulder.

At first Edmund had shrunk down lower, fear and self-loathing making him feel unworthy to even look upon His face. But the Lion's touch had been enough to allow something besides the sorrow and guilt and pain and madness to break into Edmund's mind, and he distinctly heard his name spoken, though not in words. He looked up in shock.

He thought perhaps Aslan might kill him, and there was a terrible moment when he hoped He would; Edmund knew he deserved it. He only wanted the Lion to know how sorry he was, and to save his family, if there was yet any chance of that. But Aslan looked upon him with greater love than Edmund had known existed.

The boy trembled and cried and wailed, and he wanted very badly to run from those terrible eyes, but he was frozen in place, and he could not look away. He wished the Lion would not look at him so kindly, and he felt so wretched that he was unable to speak. It did not seem to matter.

Aslan let him clutch at his fur and bury his face in His Lion's mane until his misery was spent, and then He stood him up and led him out to the hilltop. There he searched Edmund's heart and mind and soul, and though at first He was very severe, He was never cruel or unjust. Edmund looked into His eyes the whole time this was going on, and when He was done He smiled. _I forgive you, Edmund._ Edmund shook severely, but he never moved. The love in the Lion's eyes remained, and Edmund was at peace. He had never, he realized, been at peace before. He let out a breath he had not realized he'd been holding, and now he was able to return the Lion's gaze without fear.

The Lion told him many things then; some of which were difficult to accept and others which he did not like at all, but Edmund found that the longer he spent with Aslan, the longer he wanted to spend. Presently he began to be told things he liked very much, and after a very little while he decided that he wanted to stay here with Aslan for ever.

But long before he was ready to leave the Lion, he understood that Aslan wanted him to do something else. _No,_ thought Edmund desperately, _don't make me leave You. You're the only One who understands; the only One who can make me whole… kill me if You must, but please don't make me leave You!_

The Lion chuckled warmly. _Look Edmund_, he seemed to say, and Edmund looked where he was bidden. He was relieved at once, for there were Peter and Susan and Lucy, whole and very much alive. But his relief was tempered with fear once more. He had betrayed them. He heard Lucy call for him and it warmed his heart, but he knew that Peter and Susan would not be so forgiving. Nor would Lucy, he was sure, once the shock of seeing him had worn off. Even little girls would not grant absolution for ever. He cringed inwardly.

_You must go to them, Son of Adam._

Edmund shuddered. _No, _he begged Him, and he was very aware that his sudden change of heart was cowardly. But his eyes were wild with fear, and he turned back to Aslan. _They will hate me._ The sudden guilt was too much, and he wanted to run again. But Aslan considered him carefully, and he knew he had to do it. _I will be with you, child,_ said the Lion. _You have nothing to fear._ Edmund felt a wave of something wash over him, and he realized it was courage, mixed with love. He turned once again toward his brother and sisters, and then he set his shoulders. They were waiting for him.


	2. Betrayal Forgiven

**Chapter Two: Betrayal Forgiven**

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Bolstered by his newfound strength, Edmund took a great breath and began the horrible walk down the hill.

His thoughts were in a jumble.

He knew he did not deserve Aslan's forgiveness. But perhaps that was the point. Perhaps only those who realized they were wretched would be forgiven. If so, he supposed he was chief among them.

_Forgiveness. _

The word echoed in his head. That it should be given to him, after everything he'd done… Edmund knew that he would be in awe of the great Lion for ever. But he could not expect such mercy from his family. He was a traitor, and they all knew it. And not only they, he recalled miserably, but every creature in Aslan's domain.

He had been too far away to see the look in Peter's eyes when his brother had first noticed him; if he had, perhaps he would not have been so fearful. But the guilt he felt was enough to make him sick. He went as slowly as he could, but it was not a very high hill, and he soon found himself face to face with his siblings.

Edmund cringed inwardly, but Aslan smiled. The dread decreased a very little bit when he realized that Aslan was standing beside him, but the guilt was another thing entirely.

"What's done is done," said the Great Lion. "There is no need to speak to Edmund about what is past." Edmund himself felt there was an incredible need, but he took great strength from the presence of the Lion. He felt that he would be able to endure anything his siblings might say to him, if only they would give him the chance to tell them he was sorry. His gratitude that they had been spared was immeasurable. All the same, to be made to look into their eyes was a dreadful penalty.

And before Edmund had been able to think of what he might say, the Lion turned and walked away, leaving him alone with those he had betrayed.

_No,_ thought Edmund wildly, thinking himself abandoned. _You said you would stay with me! I can't face them alone!_

Aslan's voice came over him then, strong and soothing. _I am with you, Son of Adam. You can do all things with Me._

Edmund held to that promise like a lifeline. He glanced anxiously at Peter, but Peter said nothing, his expression indecipherable. Edmund looked down and gave a disparaging sigh as the knots in his stomach grew. There was nothing for it. He would have to speak sometime, and he would have to speak first. He gathered all his courage and looked up at them.

"Hello," he murmured apprehensively, but his tone was a lot like _I'm sorry_.

His family could see the marks of the witch upon him; his lip was split and his clothes were dirty; his face was pale and there were bruises he did not want them to see. He looked weary and care-worn, and not a little wary. Everyone felt compassion for him; even Lucy knew it must be terribly hard for him to stand before them now.

He looked down again, obviously embarrassed and unsure of what to do. They all wanted desperately to make everything better for him, but Peter and Susan did not know how to begin. Lucy, however, felt a lovely sort of happiness at being reunited with this brother she had lost. Unable to contain herself, she broke into a wide grin and ran to him, burying her face in his scratchy English shirt. This was what Edmund had been longing for.

Lucy brought her arms around his middle, and he melted into her. He wrapped his arms around her, the warmth of her genuine affection covering him like a blanket, and he knew he was forgiven. He felt as though a terrible burden had been lifted from his shoulders as he rested his head against his sister's, pulling her close. Perhaps he had been even more wrong about her than he had imagined.

Susan was next. Edmund felt her hand on his arm, and let go of Lucy gently. He had to stand on his toes to hug Susan, but he did not mind. As she had been the most like him of any of his siblings, he felt that perhaps she understood best, and he was grateful for her.

"Are you all right?" she asked him, when she could bear to let him go (though she could not make herself let go entirely, and her hand remained on his arm).

"I'm a little tired," said Edmund quietly. He was more than that, but he did not dare to say so.

Peter's reproving voice broke through his reverie with Susan.

"Get some sleep."

That stung. Peter was not angry with him; there was no malice in his eyes. But Edmund could see the disappointment, and he thought that was worse. After the warm reception from the girls, he had allowed himself to hope that Peter might forgive him too, but he knew now that he had done it in vain. Bitter pain stabbed through him. Aside from that of Aslan, Peter's was the forgiveness and acceptance he craved the most. He knew he had Aslan's, and that was enough. Now he had the girls' too. But it hurt to know he could not have Peter's, though he knew he did not deserve it. Peter had expected more of him.

For a moment he looked at his older brother in hurt surprise; Peter could see the hope wash out of Edmund's eyes; perhaps even Edmund had not known how much of it had shone there, or how desperately he had wanted Peter to exonerate him. Edmund looked quickly away. He put his hands into his pockets dejectedly and began to walk up the hill, toward the tents.

The girls watched him go; Lucy with regret, for she wanted him to stay beside her; Susan with sympathy, for she could see how much Edmund had wanted Peter's mercy. They wanted to keep him with them; to hold him again; to feel him there, real and warm and solid.

But Edmund kept on walking, and Peter stood his ground.

Edmund's countenance had been burned into Peter's mind, the wishful yearning for his brother's approval splashed across his face, and Peter felt a wave of compassion for him.

Edmund was sorry, anyone could see that. Peter had already forgiven him in his heart; shaming him before the girls was cruel and unnecessary. He had obviously been punished severely already.

But Peter had a responsibility to Edmund, to see that he did not forget what his bitterness and animosity had brought about. Everything should not be forgiven him so quickly; suppose he returned to his wickedness just as fast? Edmund did not deserve redemption.

But then, Aslan had forgiven him… Aslan had said there was no need to speak to Edmund about what he had done. Peter supposed that meant he need not remind him of it either. And Peter loved his brother dearly. Anger and understanding warred within him, but mercy won out.

Peter turned around.

"And Edmund?"

Edmund's head whipped round so quickly that it hurt to watch him. His cautiousness had returned, but that painful hope still shone in his eyes.

Peter grinned.

"Try not to wander off."

Edmund could tell that all was forgiven, and his answering smile was one of joy and relief. He had no intention of wandering again. He continued up the hill to bed as the weight of the world fell away.


	3. Philadelphia

**Chapter Three: Philadelphia**

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Peter was careful to be quiet when he came into the tent later that morning, but Edmund, his senses heightened after his ordeal with the witch, shot up in terror. Peter was alarmed when he saw the look on his face.

"Ed?" he asked, stunned, and Edmund fairly shook with relief. "Are you all right?"

Edmund nodded and turned away, swiping at his eyes. Peter sat staring at him in disbelief. What had the witch done to him? Just as he was about to go back outside to give Edmund some time to himself, he noticed his brother's shoulders begin to shake.

"Ed," he began.

"I'm fine," said Edmund, determined to be stoic. And Peter, who knew something about schoolboy bravado, simply sat down beside him. Edmund held together quite well for several minutes, but eventually his courage gave way to the weight of all he had done and all that had been done to him, and he began to sob. His brother sat beside him until he had cried all his bitter tears, and was good enough not to say anything when Edmund hid his face in Peter's tunic and soaked it through.

When he was done, Edmund sniffed once and set his shoulders, and Peter smiled kindly at him. Edmund realized that though he had been forgiven he had not yet said the words, "I'm sorry," (except to Aslan). And when he had dried his face and apologized properly to Peter (and Peter had said not to mention it), he went and apologized to the girls. They smiled and hugged him and said they were quite glad to have him back, and if they noticed that his face looked damp they never said so. Then Edmund went back to the boys' tent to think, and left the others to themselves.

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Eventually Peter came back, but wisely said nothing. He only tousled Edmund's hair affectionately and started a game of chess, which he promptly lost, much to his own amusement. Edmund was delighted but he tried hard not to be smug.

For a long time afterward Peter looked hard at him, and Edmund began to fiddle uneasily with a chess piece.

"Ed," said Peter resolutely, when Edmund could hardly stand to be looked at any longer.

Edmund exhaled nervously across the chessboard. He had suspected this might be coming. He was only glad that Peter had not decided to tell him off in front of Aslan and the girls. Whatever Peter said to him, he intended to stand and take it. He did hope he would not start bawling again. He did not like to cry. He liked it much less when others saw him cry, and still less when Peter did. But he knew he would deserve whatever his brother said to him.

Peter took the chess piece from him, and Edmund ducked his head. But the reprimand never came.

"Edmund, look at me." Peter's voice was firm but gentle. It was almost the way he spoke to Lucy, and Edmund looked up in surprise. Peter swallowed. "Ed- I'm sorry."

Edmund was astounded.

"What?"

"I shouldn't have been so hard on you. If I hadn't, you might never have-"

"What!" said Edmund, louder this time. "No! I did everything myself." It was difficult to look at Peter now, but he did. "Perhaps you made me angry, but I wouldn't have been angry if-if I hadn't been trying to best you all the time. I-I betrayed you all. And I meant to," he added in a much smaller voice. "I wanted to be better than all of you. I… wanted to make you my servants."

It sounded terribly petty now, and Edmund clamped his mouth shut and stared at the table, not sure whether he felt more or less wretched for saying it.

Peter sat back and stared at him, and Edmund began to fidget, wondering if he had not said too much. But Peter's eyes were understanding when he dared to meet them.

"Well," said Peter finally, "Aslan said not to speak of it."

"But Peter," began Edmund. Perhaps all had been forgiven, but he felt that none of them had escaped danger yet.

"What's done is done," said Peter firmly. He stood up and clapped Edmund on the shoulder. "I don't suppose you'll do it again."

Edmund shook his head violently, and Peter grinned.

"Come on then," he said cheerfully, "Let's go and find the girls. I expect it's time for lunch."

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Hours later, Edmund stood looking out across the vast field, lost in thought.

"Hi, Edmund!"

He turned around to find his older sister beside him.

"There you are!"

Susan held out some clothes to him, and he started when he saw that they were like the ones his siblings wore.

"I don't deserve those," he mumbled to the grass. "I'm hardly much of a Narnian."

"Oh I don't know," said Susan, knocking him lightly with her elbow. "I think you'll make a fine Narnian."

Edmund blushed, and Susan laughed sweetly.

"Anyway," she said brightly, "it's Aslan who had them made for you." Edmund stepped back in surprise. He thought it over for a while, and then looked up at her, troubled.

"Su, do you think-"

Susan put a hand on his arm.

"I think Aslan knows what He's doing," she interrupted, smiling genuinely at him.

Edmund looked into her freckled face, so like his own, and marveled at her. Susan smiled softly, and he gave her a half a smile in return. He decided that she meant it. He took the clothing from her carefully, still not quite certain it was a thing he ought to do, and sat down on the grass, his fingers running over the strange material thoughtfully.

Susan, who had meant to go back up the hill for supper, looked as though she wanted to pull him up and bring him along with her. But she considered him thoughtfully and stopped herself just in time.

"Come up when you're ready," she said quietly. "We'll be waiting."

And Edmund looked long across the grassland to where the Lion stood watching.

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The boys did not return to their tent until after sunset. And when the girls came in to say good night, they saw a strange, sad, honest look upon Edmund's face; the same he had worn after speaking with Aslan that morning. Susan reached out to him, but Lucy had already climbed into his lap and flung her arms about him, clutching at his new tunic.

Peter and Susan stared at each other, unsure of what to do. Edmund had not allowed anyone to touch him in so long, and they felt sure he was quite done with the allowances he had made that morning. They hoped he wouldn't do anything mean. But Edmund did not move; indeed, he hardly seemed to breathe.

Lucy could not keep herself from kissing his cheek and crying. She was careful of the bruise beside his eye, but when she pulled back she traced his face with trembling fingers.

"Oh, Ed," she whispered, heartbroken. "What happened to you?"

Edmund, who did not know what to do with weeping sisters, could only shake his head. This set Lucy off crying again, and she buried her face in his tunic until she fell asleep, lulled by the steady sound of his heart beating against her ear.

This time the girls could hardly bear to leave him; Peter and Susan sat up talking with him long into the night, until they were all too tired to keep their eyes open and Peter said they must all go to sleep. But when Susan woke Lucy to put her to bed, she clung to Edmund fiercely.

"You'll both hurt your necks, sleeping like that," said Susan, as she felt he ought to be reminded. But she smiled and made no more attempts to separate them.

"'S all right," said Edmund slowly, taken aback. "I guess she's not really hurting me."

And Peter sighed and shook his head and said they might as well stay. And Susan, who had not really wanted to leave either, felt relieved. She smiled around at them all and lay down; feeling that at last all was beginning to be set right.

And they all fell asleep on the floor, the moonlight casting a lion-shaped shadow in the doorway of the tent.

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Fin.


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